Reading Reptile: The Bitterman

A Note from the Management: In honor of Banned Books Week (Sept. 21st-28th) and A. Bitterman missing-in-action, the Reading Reptile's Marketing Department succeeded in soliciting New Book Reviews from none other than the Attorney General himself, John Ashcroft! The following question was posed to the former Senator from Missouri: "Of the recent and upcoming releases, which children's books do you think should be banned in the interest of National Security?"

New Juvenile Fiction Reviews ... from the Dept. of Justice

Lemony Snicket: The Unauthorized Autobiography
by Lemony Snicket (Harper, ages 42-up)
Although this is not a particularly new book, I am eager to voice my disdain for this "Lemony Snicket" character, and his smug campaign of misery. His brand of blasphemy is conditioning an entire generation of young readers to find amusement in the pretend suffering of others. I am not amused. I have launched an extensive investigation of Mr. Snicket in an effort to establish evidence that he is, in fact, Daniel Handler, a known supporter of Dianne Feinstein. I have also initiated legislation, hereby known as the "Homer Price Act," that will make the public dissemination of irony among juveniles a criminal offense. We can not secure a nation in which its children are smarter than their parents!