Dear Would-be Fortune Teller,
If you are looking for a fun activity to enjoy with your freinds and pass the time, you would be better off polishing your shoes, because this pack of Misfortune Telling Cards is anything but enjoyable. These 26 cards are designed to foretell your miserable fortune, and if I were you, I would put them away and never look at them again.
With all due respect,
How to Use Your Misfotune Telling Cards
1. Shuffle cards as best you can.
2. Divide cards into three piles.
3. To read your own misfortune, pick the third card from the bottom of the middle pile.
4. To read the misfortune of a friend, pick the top card from the pile on the left-hand side.
5. To read the misfortune of someone you haven't met yet, pick any card from the right-hand pile.
Proceed with extreme caution.
If rash occurs, discontinue use.
Look out. No--the other way!
V.F.D., like this message, is cryptic.
You will inherit a great fortune. Beware.
You are destined to get a paper cut on your own left hand, or someone else's.
Do not take any advice from your banker.
The next woman who speaks to you is not who you think she is.
Nine terrible things will happen to you next week, but you wil only notice four of them.
The newspaper story about you is almost entirely lies.
You have parsley soda in your teeth.
If there's nothing out there, what was that noise?
The next lie you tell will come true.
You ought to invent an all-purpose escape plan.
Because of a large rock, you will soon take a short trip.
Be especially careful around people in disguise.
You think it's cold cucumber soup, but it's not.
You will encounter the city's sixth most important financial advisor.
You will receive a package from someone living on Dark Avenue.
Bad things always happen in--or, to--threes.
Beware of vounteers bearing balloons.
Don't miss the boat.
The voice over the loudspeaker is not who you think it is.
An argument will end in sudden violins.
Warning: An aimlessly wandering wolf baby will do great damage.
The next book you read could save your life.
You will find yourself drawn to herpetology.
Visiting a deserted beach may offer privacy, but it can also lead to terrible news.